Friday, September 7, 2007

But who can afford to travel?


I admit it. I was the naysayer. I was the one who said, "Nay." "Nay, beloved, we absolutely cannot go to the Canadian Rockies, (nor any Rockies, for that matter) as we have no money, and are both marginally employed. We have debt. We have dentist bills. Here in the city we have not yet paid rent, and upstate there is a sewer hook-up to penny up for, besides. Nay. Nay nay nay nay nay."

"Ah," said my lover, ignoring my goat-like allocution. "What you do not realize is that we are both mostly unemployed. My dear, there is a big difference between mostly unemployed and all unemployed, now isn't there?"

These sound like the words of the Devil if I ever heard them, not the quote from The Princess Bride I know it is. Temping me further into debt. Debt, a four-letter word synonymous with Lucifer in my mid-west upbringing. My grandmother, 100 years old this summer, would not take out a loan if her life depended on it. Especially if her life depended on it.

But I found a list in the bedside table soon after that day, in the drawer on my side we never open. It was a list of all the national parks he'd like to visit, and there are check marks next to the ones he's been to, (all three of them) and pitiful, vacant little squares outlined next to all those he hasn't. I've been raving about the color of the water in the glacier fed lakes and rivers in Banff ever since I visited years ago. I know he would love it, with his photographer's eye and his outdoorsman's heart. And I am drawn back to the mountains like a flower to the sun.

"Let's make a budget," says he. A budget. Just like his always next-thing-to-bankruptcy theater company is always having meetings about. No, thanks. I can do the math in my head. A budget will not give us more money than none! Anything we have "extra" should be going toward debt. Or classes for me, or a new camera for him.

To humor him, mostly, I sit down at the budget meeting.

And next thing you know, (four months later or thereabouts...) we're on a plane. Eight hours by way of Dallas, to Calgary, from New York, albeit, but...on a plane. To the vacation of a lifetime.

You know you're on a vacation of a lifetime when there are lots of Asian people and old people already there when you arrive. They know how they want to spend their precious days on the continent, or left on this earth. They know exactly where they want to be. And that was where we were, at the feet of glaciers, gargantuan things drifting and melting like ice cream between your toes, but between cyclopian, beautiful mountains, embracing you from each and every direction you look. On the American side of the park, those will be gone by the year 2030 or before.

How often have I heard this from my friends? "I would love to travel, but I just don't have the money." I'm here to tell you that with a little determination, it may not be entirely as out of reach as you think. For the record, this is how we did it:

First, we got American Airlines Citibank credit cards. (I accidentally got two. 'Nother story.) At the time the deal was, you get 20K miles after you spend $259 on the card. Colin got himself bumped off planes over Christmas and got some vouchers. Between us, we had more than enough American Airlines "cash" to get us there for free.

So, our expenses were:

Taxis $61 (unavoidable expense with luggage in NYC)
Gas 160.05 (we did drive over 1200 miles - it's pricey in Canada)
Lodging 614.58 (camped 3 nights, stayed with friends 2, then B & B's)
Boat rentals 80 (couldn't pass up a ride on a blue lake...)
Park fees 78.40 (bummed us out a little that it was that much)
Car rental 383.08 (yeah, that was a biggie)
_________________
SUBTOTAL = 1397.91

(I don't count food, because you have to eat anyway, but in the interest of full disclosure we did spend 400 bucks on food.)

Subtract ($470) We sublet our apartment for $500, minus $30 in PayPal fees

TOTAL COST OF TRIP = $927.91
(Split in two = 463.96)

So, for less than 500 bucks a piece, we had ten days of the most fabulous vacation ever!

Our itinerary at a glance:

Day 1) Flew into Calgary, drove down to Glacier Mountain National Park in Montana and spent the night at a hotel in rural Alberta between. (When I called to confirm the reservation, a young woman's voice wailed, "You're from New York and you're staying HERE? That's Hi-LAR-ious!!!"

Days 2,3 &4) Camped in many Glacier Campground three nights, were joined by our friend John.

Days 5 & 6) Stayed with John and his lovely (and newly expectant) wife, MB, in Kalispell, for 2 nights.

Days 7,8 & 9) Then we chugged up to Banff and stayed in various B & B's for three nights,. which ate up most our budget but was worth it for the fireplace at the first, which yes, we needed to take the chill out of the August air.

Day 10) Stayed at a Thriftlodge in Calagry, ready to get our 7am flight. blech!

A lot of my IC friends admit astonishment that I would attempt such a trip. Many of us won't get on a plane, plane and simple (get it?) much less have sex. And 8 hours? Fugettaboutit. The wait on the tarmac, the stress on the pelvic floor muscles caused by sitting, the general sick feeling you can get...but I have a couple weapons.

First and foremost, I got an aisle seat. Second first, I got a massage the day before we left, with emphasis on the low back and pelvis. Second, I make my way quickly to and from the bathroom just as I notice the door closing and fasten seat belt signs illuminating (if it's spasming, a little hand pressure onthe lower abdomen always does the trick for me) , and engage the help of the flight attendants if there appears to be an unforeseen wait (almost always when flying out of La Guardia.)

I say, "I have a bladder disease and will need to use the restroom about every (half hour)? " "?" denotes tone of voice. But it must also be accompanied by certain body language and facial expression. For those who were not raised in the mid-west or are otherwise friendly-challenged, practice this in front of a mirror: Eyebrows upturned, slight smile (but eyes steady...you do not expect to be denied such a reasonable request...) and lastly, the universal gesture of peace, palms upraised. I'm serious, studies have been done on this. Eyebrows raised and palms upturned is the posture least likely to get you killed when making first contact with another culture. Try it.

Then I say, "Can you tell me right before we're about to take off,?" (or help me figure out how to get to the bathroom within my contraints, etc.) This way you've 1) not done anything sneaky, like get up when you're not supposed to (horrors!) which pisses them off (get it?) 2)enlisted their HELP and appealed to their greater sensibility as a good employee and good human being, as opposed to making demands which put one on the defensive.

I have seriously never had a flight attendant deny me after this approach. In fact, they seem eager to help. from what i can gather with my super-human intuitive skills, the most flight attendants want to 1) encourage us to follow the rules and 2) have something easily within their power they can help with. 3) be proud of the job they're doing. 4) know they've helped somebody out, just like that! It's win-win. We folks with Interstitial Cystitis CAN fly!

I sometimes add drugs like Bentyl or Pyridium to this routine, or a motion-sickness drug. And a little stretching in the airport, walking about during the flight , etc. This time I didn't feel I needed the bladder anasthetic, but I did make sure there was a steady stream of Celebrex in my blood for a few days, to control inflammation, bladder and elsewhere, and I used it liberally on my trip. I also took a small amount of muscle relaxant.

ON the trip, we camped near the bathrooms, and I kept a small "chamber pot" (tupperware) in the tent for those really cold nights - it got down to 38F. I have a Thermarest Dreamtime. If you're not a camper, well, what can I say but that it's the shit! It's an inch of blow up mattress, a half inch of foam and a fleece cover on top of that. I knew that no matter how the beds were wherever we stayed, I could sleep on that comfortably without tweaking my back.

When deciding daytime activities, I let my Ego have a discussion with my Self. With full knowledge that my ego does not always do what is best for my Self. I caused my Self to win. Sure, my ego wanted to do that all-day hike 1700 feet up to Grinell Glacier, like I would have before, and it made it worse that the boys were going (C and his friend) . But I found another ranger-led hike going to Grinell lake, which was only 1.5 miles in and mostly level, I had really good, new tennis shoes, and I hiked with the old people and the children and I liked it. I even kept radio contact with C part of the time, so I felt liek I was part of the fun.

Even better, I could walk the next day. And the next.

The trip was spectacular. I could go on and on. Look for links to C's 900 photos in the future - they'll probably go up on his website. I just want to say that what you may think impossible may in fact be within your grasp, with a bit of planning, talking with you Ego and willingness to be flexible. I'm glad C talked me into it with is Barnum-like sales pitch. It was way worth it.

Now there's only the problem of re-entry.