Audition Day 2

8:35 am - Alarm goes off. (Just think: It is 7:35 in Chicago.)
My goal: Be downtown by 10:15, get my name on the sign-up list for a touring company called “Earthtones,’ do the audition, get out. Go get headshots reproduced.

8:55 am - Out of bed

9:05 am - Start warming up shower

9:15 am - Get in shower

9:20 am - Get out of shower, put English muffins in toaster oven, press “toast,” set to “light.”

9:22 am - Dress, begin make-up. Eyes are already burning from mascara.

9:24 am - Smell smoke - (could that be why my eyes are burning?)

9:24:05 am - Walk (calmly) into kitchen to discover both English muffins BLAZING within the toaster oven.

Being the daughter of a fire investigator, I am thoroughly prepared for this situation. I unplug the oven while flames engulf muffins completely, quickly wet towels and wait to see if fire gets bigger or smaller.

9:27 am - Flames eat themselves up (once muffin fuel is devoured.) New smoke alarm goes off (it works!). Take batteries out of smoke alarm.

9:28 am - Put another couple of English muffins in the toaster oven. SET TIMER.

9:30 am - Quickly spread both muffins with butter and jelly, pack stuff.

9:31 am - Can’t find muffins. Where are they? Looking everywhere...find them in refrigerator.

9:35 am- At train station, ready to go downtown. Hesitate; did I turn off the toaster oven? Turn around.

9:36 am - Get on the train, deciding I was just being silly.

9:37 am - Begin to catastrophize; what if I started a fire? Batteries aren’t in smoke alarm...no one would hear. i was not in a lucid state of mind when I left. Obviously, because I put the muffins back in the fridge - Is there anyone I can call? Nope. Is this OK? I mean, really, if it comes down to the lives of small children and getting to this insignificant audition on time, which should it be???

9:40 am - get off train, go back the other direction.

9:50 am - get back to apartment, (5th floor) see that the toaster oven is fine, pee, leave.

10:03 am - On train going back the other direction.

10:45 am - Chilled completely, teeth chattering, wind-blown...after a long wait for the elevator walk into 3rd floor audition space. 30 actors are crammed into a hallway half the size of my living room. (plus would you believe it? TWO DOGS!) There is a bathroom AT THE VERY BACK.

10:50 am - Find bathroom satisfactory for all practical purposes, but as it has no mirror, and I am getting heady from the cold differential and claustrophobia, I go in search of another restroom.

11 am - Found one! I am so clever. Look at all those people, crammed up there, while I have the entire second floor hallway to myself. Dash into bathroom; alleluia chorus there is a mirror! ...but the light doesn’t work.

11:01 am - Punt on the lipstick.

12:15 pm - Back upstairs, non-Equity actors are actually auditioning, as there are NO equity actors here (they are not allowed.) My number is coming up - the big moment is getting closer. MY FIRST NEW YORK AUDITION. WHOO HOOO!

12:30 pm - Bathroom runs out of toilet paper.

12:45 pm - My number’s up. Wait! One of the producers has to pee. OK, NOW it’s my turn! I get to sing my entire 16 bars! I’m hoping they’ll ask me for another song - that’s what they’ve done with everybody else they’ve called back. I heard one girl sing three songs!

12:46 pm - Production team seems inclined to chat:

“Do you drum?”
“Yes.”

“Can you tap dance?”
“Ahhh, I can do a time step and a couple variations.”

“Can you rollerblade?”
“Why, yes.”

“Can you drive a car?”
(Is this a trick question?) “Yes.”

I’m feeling mighty good about myself just about now.

“CAN YOU ...SKELETON??”
“Uh,” (Do I admit I have no idea what they’re talking about? Is it a new dance? Is this it? Am I out of the race? Damn! It was going so well!) “No, I don’t think so. Definitely not... Uh, what is it?”

An awkward silence. They look down at their papers, which is often a sign you’re dismissed, or are about to be.

“OK then, see ya!” I wave goodbye.

“Oh, no! Wait!” one of them says. “We were joking. Skeleton is a new Olympic sport.”
(They wanted to see if I was just a “Yes” man, I guess.)

12:56 pm - Apparently, they are still inclined to chat. About nothing in particular, with ME. Perhaps they want to see if they “like” me. Perhaps after seeing so many people sing some folks just need a break and I seem like a good - chatter-upper? I don’t know. But it’s making me uncomfortable.

“Can you come back tomorrow?”
“Sure.”
“Oh, and - bring your rollerblades.”



To be continued.