The Boogey Man

I've been traveling a lot lately, and inevitably one of the first questions people ask when first meeting me, or friends ask when they haven’t seen me in a while is, “so are you performing in anything?”

I’m always a little embarrassed. Well, not really. Not right now. I’m on a break, I say, And everyone nods as though they understand. Truly, most artists do. But while how I explain it for mass consumption is one thing, how I explain it to myself is another. Is “taking a break” tantamount to failure? If I’m not actively pursuing work in my craft, why am I even in New york?

First of all, lots of actors take "breaks" throughout their careers. Sanity breaks, financial health breaks, breather from the “biz” burnout breaks, physical health breaks. I'm currently on all four kinds.

But also, I'm looking at it this way: I have come to NY and opened a door. If that door had remained shut, I always , always would have wondered what was behind it. It was like the door the kids at church told me the Boogey Man lived behind in the basement. But I opened it, I walked around inside the New York theater scene, and now it should never close. It's like going to college - no one can ever take an education away from you.

I can return whenever and if ever I choose. Maybe I won't. Or maybe I do some things here and there. Or maybe I even want a full time career in 20 years. Whatever it is, I now have fleshed out my resume with NY and regional credits, and I've gotten my equity card, so auditioning in the future should not be the huge hassle it was when I first made my move, and in general, I just know my way around the room.

For many actors, during a “break,” maybe that room becomes the one in the house you never use. Maybe it becomes the rec room ("I perform just for fun and exercise"), or the storage room ("ah, I remember it well..."), the guest room ("I sing just for friends' weddings"). In many cases it becomes the kids' room ("my children fill up that need for creativity I once had for the arts..."). In any case, at least it's not a vacuous cavern in your house you were afraid to enter because, well, the Bogey Man lived in there.

I did, I thought the Boogy Man lived in New York. And I was right, the boogy man DOES live in New York! New York is big, smelly, dirty, loud, smelly, dusty and intensely competitive, just like they told me. But also warm, and colorful, smart, discerning, freakish and creative and pulsing and human. Oh, so human. I can't think of a more human place to live. And that's what the Boogey Man is; fear of our own humanity.

So let’s talk about you.